How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
