omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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