So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
