Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
