They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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