i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize