He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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