Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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