It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
