I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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