so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
