fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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