My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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