whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
