Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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