I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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