How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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