She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
