i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
