Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
