whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
