Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Randomize
