in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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