just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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