we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
