All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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