This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
