i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
