Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
