was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
