so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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