My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
