Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
should my penis look like a turkey
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
