How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
