Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
