It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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