it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
