i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize