every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
