Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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