She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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