My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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