My cat gives me a boner
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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