Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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