FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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