Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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