dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
