Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
