this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize