why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
