doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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