I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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