I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
