Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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