dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
