So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
