He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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