In America we eat man semen.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
