I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
