Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize