i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize