look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
