It's Friday. Sex?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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