a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
