Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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