Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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