he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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