i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
