That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
