i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
